


Won't you stay 'til the A.M.?

by claveldelaire



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Carrillo's death, Coping, Kind of catatonic state, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Tenderness
Language: Español
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claveldelaire/pseuds/claveldelaire
Summary: "Horacio Carrillo is dead. Escobar has killed him. And both of them heard it live through a radio call."
Relationships: Steve Murphy & Javier Peña, Steve Murphy/Javier Peña
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	Won't you stay 'til the A.M.?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I had other intentions with this fic but it seems I just can't be mean to them. -.-
> 
> It's 7 a.m and the beautiful [aerolanya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerolanya) kindly beta-ed this for me. Thank you ♥♥♥
> 
> Title from A.M. by One Direction because I can.

Horacio Carrillo is dead. Escobar has killed him. And both of them heard it live through a radio call.

Steve has never been a Carrillo devotee but his death has shaken him; the man seemed impossible to kill and there he is, dead. The irremediable truth that nobody's immortal hits Steve like a train, and what is worse, nobody is safe down there in Colombia.

As expected, who takes the news in the worst possible way is Javi. When they heard that the mission was an ambush he had leaned on the table, shaking; and when they had confirmed Carrillo dead, he had to take a seat, almost fainting.

Steve had tried to stop him from going to the place where it all had happened but Javier's look was so fierce, he didn't dare to argue more.

During the fieldwork, Javier had masked his feelings and kept recognising bodies. To try to stop Javier from getting into the ambulance which took Carrillo to the morgue, Steve offered himself.

When Steve gets back to the base, to their shared room, he finds Javier sitting at the desk they have with an almost empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. The same bottle they have bought two days ago and they haven’t touched it yet. He doesn't even blink when Steve sits in front of him.

"Look, Javi..." Steve starts.

Javier shakes his head and Steve is too emotionally drained to try again. He tears the bottle out of Javi's hand and drowns the two fingers of whiskey it has left.

It's late in the afternoon when Steve calls Messina asking for permission to go back to Bogotá since Javi has said he doesn't go to funerals. That's how Steve is getting on an overnight flight to Bogotá with Javier. The flight lasts a little more than an hour and they get home just after midnight.

Javier hasn't said a word since they left the compound. Steve gathered their things into their bags and manoeuvred him to put in his jacket. Steve also did all the check-in at the airport for both of them while Javier waited outside, smoking.

Steve knows Javier doesn't like to sleep on planes so he wasn't expecting him to do it now, but Steve, who could sleep through a hurricane, couldn't manage to sleep either.

When they enter their building, Steve hesitates about letting Javi go to his own apartment or inviting him over to his. Javier looks so miserable rummaging in his pocket for his keys that Steve holds him by the elbow and guides him upstairs. Javier doesn't complain; he's still a bit drunk judging by how he stumbles over the steps up to Steve's house.

Javier throws himself on the couch and pours himself a whiskey. Steve wants to stop him but chooses to sneak the bottle away after Javier has poured his glass.

They have never hugged or had much physical contact beyond occasional pats on the shoulder and the handshake they shared when they met, so Steve is uncertain if trying to hug Javier would be appropriate. He chooses just to sit beside him on the couch.

Javier doesn't even claim the whiskey bottle back once his glass is empty, he simply chain-smokes all the cigarettes he has left in his pocket.

"Do you want to talk?" Steve asks tentatively. "About anything, it doesn't have to be about what happened," he clarifies.

"There is nothing to talk about, Steve. He's dead, nothing else to say."

They're in the darkness, the only light is coming from the street, painting the room in orange tones. Javier has his head resting on the edge of the couch. Steve doesn't exactly know how much time has passed since they arrived; he doesn't want to look at his clock, afraid of Javi wanting to leave, but he's dying to take a shower and lay on his bed.

"Hey, Javi," Steve tries once again. "Don't you want to take a shower?" He's been wearing the same clothes for the last day and a half and some water may help him to relax a bit.

Javier shrugs. "I don't want to move," he exhales.

"I'll get the bath ready and then you just will need to walk in there, okay?" Steve offers. Javier doesn't answer but Steve takes it as a good signal that he doesn't tell to fuck him off either.

Steve swigs a glass of water before going to the bathroom and hands another to Javier.

"Sober up a bit," Steve practically pleads, and he counts it as a victory when Javi at least takes the glass from his hand.

Steve calls for Javi from the bathroom but when he doesn't answer after a few moments, he goes to get him. He offers his hand and Javi takes it, levering himself from the couch. Steve leads him to the bathroom.

"Take your time," he says, helping Javi to strip off his jacket. "I'll bring you clean clothes."

Javier doesn't move from where he's leaning against the door frame.

"C'mon Javi," Steve insists. "You'll run out of hot water. You don't want me taking off your clothes, do you?" he teases, putting a hand on Javi's lower back and guiding him near to the shower.

When he's sure that Javi's stripping off his clothes, he gets out and leaves the door ajar.

Steve rummages through his drawers looking for the comfiest pyjamas he has and then he prepares some lavender tea, the same his mother, and then Connie after her prepared him after a bad day at work. He decides to give Javier time on his own but when half an hour passed and he can hear the water is still running, he knocks on the bathroom door before entering.

Javi's sitting on the shower floor, still wearing his underwear, hugging his knees. The water is running cold over him. Steve runs to close the tap and tries to tug Javier to his feet. He wraps him with a towel and helps him out of the shower.

Javier's face has no expression as Steve rubs his arms with his hands to create some heat.

"You're frozen, Javi," Steve observes. "C'mon, dry yourself off, I'll get you some clothes."

Steve comes back to the bathroom with the pyjamas he picked in his hands, he looks away when his partner strips off his soaked underwear. After Javier has slid into the pyjama bottoms, Steve wraps him again with the towel and takes a step further and hugs him around his shaking arms. Javier's hair is dripping cold water into Steve's t-shirt.

"Let's go, I think Connie left her hairdryer here," he says, guiding Javi to the couch. "Put on the t-shirt, please."

Steve finds Connie's hairdryer and while looking for it he finds his old hoodie from uni, which he hasn't worn in Colombia because it's always too hot for it. He dries Javier's hair and gently massages his scalp. Javier is not as tense as before but he's not relaxed either, still trembling from time to time. He accepts Steve's hoodie and drinks thoughtfully from the cup of tea that Steve has put on his hands.

Steve takes a quick shower and when he comes out of the bathroom, Javier is catatonic, looking in the tv’s direction but not quite looking at it.

"You're allowed to cry, you know?" Steve says in a low voice, sitting next to him with his own cup of tea.

Javier closes his eyes slowly and opens them again.

"I just- I can't," he confesses.

Steve sighs.

"I'm going to hug you, is that okay?" Steve asks, not wanting to cross any line that makes Javier uncomfortable.

Javier looks at him and shrugs. Steve leans onto him and hugs him, pressing Javier's body against his chest. After several seconds, Javier relaxes against him but he's still trembling, so Steve puts on the hood on his head and Javier nuzzles against his shoulder in contentment.

The position is uncomfortable for Steve but he remains, still not to startle Javier, who's steadily breathing in his neck.

"Do you want to move to the bed?" Steve asks, caressing Javier's head over the hood.

"Mmhhmjj," Javier says from inside the hoodie and Steve doesn't know what to do, so he tightens his grip around Javi's body and gets up, tugging him to his feet.

"Let's go to bed," he encourages Javi and they softly pad toward the bedroom; Javier still barefoot.

Steve hands him a pair of socks to wear and wraps him with his bed's duvets. He massages Javier's scalp until he thinks he's asleep. Steve fishes the blanket from the foot of the bed and the pillow Connie used to use and makes himself comfortable on the couch. He tries to watch some old re-run on the tv but he can't concentrate, so he turns it off and tries to sleep, even if he's afraid of what he could dream about.

When he's finally in the limbo between being awake and falling asleep, he feels something on his hip. He wakes up, slightly disoriented and sees Javier in front of him in his oversized hoodie.

"Javi, are you okay?" his hoarse voice comes out alarmed.

"Can I stay here?" Javier asks, sitting at Steve's feet.

"Of course, do you want me to take the bed?" Steve is quick to offer.

Javier subtly shakes his head and Steve can only just see it in the dim dawn's light.

"Right," Steve swallows hard.  _ Does Javier want him to stay there? _ "I'm going to close the blinds so we can sleep better, okay?"

When he comes back to the sofa, Javier is already lying there against the back of the couch. Steve slides next to him and covers them with the blanket he has brought. It's not the best place to spend the night, let alone with two people; Steve knows his body will regret it when he wakes up, but he couldn't care less when he feels Javi's arms sneaking around his middle and his face trying to reach the crook of his neck to rest there. Javi inhales deeply.

"It will get better, I promise," Steve swears for both of them to cling to these words.

"It can't get better than this," Javier mutters from Steve's neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, let me know what you thought about this one!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr as claveldelaire.


End file.
